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How I Found Joy Despite Parenting Alone

June 5, 2017 · In: Motherhood

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I could make a commission (at no additional cost to you) on your purchases through my links. Read my full disclosure here.

When I was a teenager I had a picture of how my family would be. A tall, dark, and handsome husband, 2 kids, a dog and a white picket fence. Really! That was my ideal family. I never planned for things to be quite as interesting as they are today.

Three years ago I found myself a mother of 2, pregnant with twins and alone. After a rough breakup, financial hardship, failures and many disappointments I still chose joy. It was a few weeks after finding out I was having twins that I just decided to get over it. No more pity parties. No more shame and no more excuses. I had decided to own my situation and live my life. I looked at my 2 sons and my growing belly and thought: “How can I make the best of this?” I knew that I had to learn to enjoy the here and now and teach them to do the same. So I began to not focus so much my “issues” and find happiness in the little moments.

I can remember laughing when we all had to use the one bathroom we had in our tiny apartment, because I was just happy we had a safe place to call our own. I found humor in the awkward conversations with my ex because I was just thankful to be happily single, instead of miserably married to one bad decision. I let every late notice and past due bill fuel my faith and increase the hope I had for a better future. That’s what kept me going. Ultimately I decided to look at life from a different perspective. Once I changed my attitude towards my circumstances, the circumstances changed right before me.

Despite parenting alone, I was finally happy. Because I realized that being a single mom was not the totality of who I was. My circumstances did not make me. I was more than what happened to me and I decided to use that to fuel a life of joy. I decided to start doing specific things to be happier with what I had and find the joy in single parenting.

When I evaluated everything I realized good things were happening for me. I needed to start magnifying them. So I decided to start a journaling every little success. I didn’t care how small it seemed, I wrote it down and celebrated it. The baby went potty (ugh finally), I paid rent on time, I made it to the gym, I made it all a big deal.

twins

I will never forget the first time I bought a live Christmas tree. I thought let me do something different and special with my sons. So I went out got the Christmas tree and me, my sons and my belly dragged it upstairs to our little apartment. I unwrapped it, put it up and stood back in admiration of what I had just done. About 60 seconds later I friggin frog jumps out of the tree! I literally lost my mind. My oldest son ran and left me alone with this creature!! It took everything I had to find the courage to wrangle this thing out of my house. Ugh. Needless to say I had 3 triumphs is one day!!

Amidst the not so glamorous moments, I still find triumphs, sometimes they come at unexpected times and I have to fight for them. You will too. But, train yourself to recognize them because in that intentional search you may find exactly what you’re looking for. In all the celebrating I found that I focused less on the drama and more on the things I was getting right. I focused more on the productive situations and less on the counterproductive ones i.e. complaining, worrying, and doubting.

You will see your confidence beginning to increase thus making you happier. Once I realized how content and happy I actually was, I wondered what would happen if I pursued something greater. So I challenged myself to pursue the possibilities. Once things got stable for me I did not want to get complacent. I wanted to keep growing and continue to elevate my life.

I made the choice to be grateful and content but I knew I still wanted more.

family

I wasn’t sure what I could reasonably do at the moment, given my current situation but I knew I could do something. So even if you have to take baby steps toward your goals you should still be working on them. I decided to think back to my younger self. What dreams did she have? What did she want to accomplish in life? And surprisingly a lot of those things I still wanted. I had just suppressed those desires because I felt I needed to put being a mother before my personal desires. We seem to do that a lot as moms. But, I realized I was letting my younger self down.

So I decided to pursue the possibilities and get back into writing. I already owned several journals that I would write in whenever I had something to say and nobody to say it to. I began writing more often and it was a way for me to express myself and do something I genuinely enjoyed doing.

A few months after starting I was reading Black Enterprise magazine and there was a story highlighting millennial bloggers making a living online. That really intrigued me, so I began researching how to start a blog. I researched for a while before I actually started, probably too long but here I am. It was slow going at first but I am starting to find my groove. But the important thing is I have something of my own, that I can be proud of. That makes me happier and more fulfilled than ever. Having something outside of motherhood that’s yours is beneficial and necessary.

Then after doing those thing I was able to really fall in love with my life. Decide how you can fall in love with yours. Here’s the thing. We all have had a vision for our lives that may not reflect what it looks like now but listen… Life is not perfect. It will never be perfectly orchestrated the way you imagined it. There will be mountaintop moments and valley moments, and then there will be times of perfect contentment.

single family

I had to learn to be happy no matter what state I was in. I finally understood that the things I were going through were just temporary and would eventually change. So when things are going the way I want, I’m grateful and I celebrate that. But when things are not going as planned, I’m still grateful and celebrate the triumphs to come.

It’s about finding a new way to look at the situation.

Can you do something different to make the circumstance better? Can you learn from it? Can you prevent someone else from going through it?

When I decided to fall in love with my life that meant becoming unconditionally grateful for life itself. That meant being grateful for the small things we often take for granted and making a choice to be happy in whatever state I’m in. When you decide to be happy with where you are, what you have and who you’re doing it with, even it’s alone, you’ll find that joy just comes as a byproduct of that contentment.

I decided to get over the shame, stop with the pity parties and own my situation. I knew if I wanted to be happy while single parenting, I had to learn to enjoy the here and now, and teach my kids to do the same. So I started to focus more on enjoying the little moments and less on the little issues I had.

I hope my story inspires you to keep going and know there’s happiness even in doing this alone.

I first shared this personal story of triumph with Diedre Anthony of Are Those Your Kids.Check out her site here

single parenting

By: Nakisha Wynn · In: Motherhood

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Comments

  1. AnnMarie John says

    June 6, 2017 at 12:05 am

    Never be ashamed, and I’m glad that you got over it. Kids are a blessing and btw only God can judge you.

    Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 6, 2017 at 10:12 am

      I’m glad I did too. I was so worried about what people would think of me but oh well….I just started living my life for me and became so much happier.

      Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 6, 2017 at 11:07 pm

      Yes! I was so worried about what people would say about me but no more.

      Reply
  2. Marquita says

    June 6, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    Your story is beautiful and inspiring. It’s so wonderful that you found a creative outlet in writing and are building a future with it. You’re showing your kids God’s faithfulness and that is amazing all day every day! #noshameinyourgame!!!

    Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 6, 2017 at 11:07 pm

      Thank you. I knew it was important to show them what perseverance looks like.

      Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 10, 2017 at 8:15 pm

      Yes! I just want to show them that you can keep going in spite of….

      Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 10, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      Amen. I want them to know they can keep on in spite of…

      Reply
  3. Elizabeth Brico says

    June 8, 2017 at 1:56 am

    I’m glad you found joy in single motherhood! You sound like a very strong woman-with a gorgeous family. I hated being a single mom, but I wasn’t just single, I was alone and the relationship had been extremely abusive and I was (still am) recovering from that so it was really hard to find joy at that time.

    Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 8, 2017 at 8:05 am

      Yes same here. I just glad to be happily single now and I know that eventually I will meet someone who will be great to me and my kids.

      Reply
    • Nakisha Wynn says

      June 10, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      It can be hard but I just keep reminding myself of the positive things.

      Reply

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First off, forget them people! Respectfully… Bu First off, forget them people! Respectfully…

But, I get it!  Most times we lack confidence worrying about other people’s opinion on this or that, but… 

- Stop trying to prove people wrong and prove yourself right! This is about you. You overcoming your fears. You finding the audacity to be great. You pursuing YOUR best life.

- Surround yourself with people that pour into you. Having the right support system is essential. It helps you ignore the noise around you. Join an online group, meetup with positive people local to you.

- Figure out the area you lack confidence in and build yourself up in that area.

- Feel the fear and do it anyway! You gotta just push through. Keep working. Keep showing up. Keep building.

Save this post and reference it when you feel self doubt creeping in.

#internationalwomensmonth #confidence #confident #becomingher #thatgirl #happyinternationalwomensday
It’s Monday and I’m prepared to have a product It’s Monday and I’m prepared to have a productive week! 

Here are a few things I do to make sure the business and the babies are setup for success:

- Write down everything I need to get done this week on Sunday. I literally do a brain dump of all the things.

- Then I prioritize these things from most important to least! …because let’s be real I wanna do everything but there’s only so much time in the day 😂 

- Then I schedule the first 3 things in my planner for Monday. I like to see it here and put in Google calendar.

- I plan, shop, and prep all my meals for the week on Sunday too. Because who got time for “What y’all wanna eat?” everyday lol 

- Lastly I’m trying to make room for IG this week because that hasn’t been a priority. But @planoly is coming in clutch for me.

So I’m implementing the strategy: if you fail to plan, you plan to fail! And I’m planning to get it done this week!!!

Share this with an entrepreneur that could use it! 

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Me feeling myself the one day a week I actually ge Me feeling myself the one day a week I actually get dressed 😂

I work at home all week so on Fridays I like to get out. I went to brunch, got some content, then did a lil shopping. It was the perfect day!

But wait, I know you see these @walmart jeans GIVING! 🥰

Sharing these and some other pieces in my new YouTube video going live at 6pm!

Happy Friday y’all!! 

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When I left corporate, it was for my kids! I was When I left corporate, it was for my kids!

I was tired of paying 2 mortgages in daycare cost, working all day and only seeing them for a few hours in the evening. Then, the hassle I’d get when I needed to take off for them!

#Workingmoms don’t get enough credit!!!! It’s a JOB in itself juggling it all…..let’s not get into the last 2 years. 🙄

My plan was to make it through their daycare days, but I done got out here an built an empire!

Don’t tell me God ain’t good!!

So, yeah. I’m gonna be right here, taking care of my babies.

Working moms, stay at home moms, work at home moms, bonus moms, expectant moms…….all y’all, I see you!

#workathomemoms #stayathomemom #instamom  #themillionairemomsclub #motivatedwomen #blackmomceo
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Don’t ever confuse what you’re offered, for wh Don’t ever confuse what you’re offered, for what you’re worth!

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