It was 8am on a beautiful Friday morning as I walked into the maternity ward ready to give birth to twins alone. There was an eerie peace that overtook me as the nurses began to prep me for surgery. I lay there with my eyes closed focused only on the end result. I thought about what my baby girls would look like, if they would instantly know who I was and how empowered I would feel thereafter. I knew if I could emotionally make it through the next 2 hours I would be just fine. So that’s what I focused on.
My mother was holding my baby boy when the nurse came in and told us that my surgery time had been pushed back. So that meant that my 12 o’clock surgery would now happen too late for my mother to be present. She had my baby boy and couldn’t go into the surgery room with me. Now she wouldn’t even be present when I got out of surgery room because she had to pick up my oldest son from school.
She sat there clearly bothered but still trying to distract me with conversations about current events and things that were on the television. I was just praying they would get to me before my mother had to leave. That didn’t happen.
When my mother left I closed my eyes as tears ran down my face and prayed for God to comfort me. I was broken. I couldn’t contain my feelings in that moment. I was hurt on so many levels. The idea that nobody found me or my babies important enough to be present for their birth crushed me. Their introduction to this world wasn’t enough? I was heartbroken.
The nurse came in and asked if I was ready. My answer “absolutely!”. She then asked “Who’s going to be coming with you?” I simply said “It’s just me and God.” She stood there in utter shock. I will never forget that confused look on her face. Suddenly another nurse popped in and said “She’ll be fine”, as she walked over to help me to the surgery room. We walked arm in arm down a long white corridor. It was the longest walk I’d ever taken. The nurse was talking to me about how it was going to be okay and I was praying for the anesthesiologist and surgeons.
When I reached the surgery room I felt like I was walking onto the set of a medical drama series. It was ice cold, the lights were super bright and there was a sea of blue scrubs. There had to be about 20 people there waiting on me. Waiting to receive the 2 babies that were about to be born. I was assisted onto a table, arched my back over like and cat and received the epidural. In that moment another sense of sadness overcame me. I started to think about the fact that this beautiful journey would not be documented. How I would not have any tangible memories to share with my girls when they get older. “What exactly did I do to deserve this?” I thought.
Finally my doctor walks in and I felt that sadness lift. It was a familiar face. That made me feel so much better. My doctor then asked me who was there with me. I told him I was there alone and he was beyond shocked. Then suddenly a man appears out of the sea of blue scrubs and says “Hi, I’m an anesthesiologist and I’m going to be right here with you.” The manner in which he said it, as he came closer to me was comforting. He stayed there right by my side the entire time. He talked me through the entire procedure, he wiped my tears, and he even took pictures with HIS cell phone and texted them to me.
When my first baby girl came out he told me how much hair she had and then he told me how red my second one was. Soon he was bringing each baby girl over to me one by one for that initial moment of nurturing. He was so attentive and everything I needed and more at that time.
Later the nursing staff brought the babies over to do skin to skin and to nurse. It was truly the most elevated form of love I’ve ever experienced. Literally, the peace I felt in that moment superseded every emotion I had prior. There I was with 2 babies, tandem nursing, feeling more blessed than ever before.
After enjoying my babies for a while I asked the nurse if I could speak to the guy anesthesiologist that was with me during the surgery. She said “Your anesthesiologist was a woman.” I said yes not the lady that gave me the epidural the guy that came to sit with me during the surgery. The 2 nurses began looking through a chart and then turns to me and says there was not a male anesthesiologist on that day. I then asked if there were any male nurses or doctors maybe but I know someone was there. Everyone acted like I was hallucinating or something. But I knew I was not imagining anything.
It was then that I realized that God had answered my prayers for comfort. No matter who the person was physically there with me on that day, I know that God himself came to see about me. I felt more empowered than ever.
The day my daughters were born was the lowest I’ve ever felt, while being the most love I’ve ever experienced all at the same time.
Jillian says
What an amazing story. I gave birth to twins via c-section also and I applaud you for your bravery. You are right though that you have to be strong and vision the end result.
Best and scariest day of my life.
Well done Momma!
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you Jiillian. This single experience alone showed me the strength I have as a woman and mother. I will never forget it. Thank you.
Salina says
Just beautiful I love birth stories but this right here just confirms God is with us when we feel completely alone. So much inspiration may god continue to bless you and your family.
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you so much. It was definitely a moment I will never forget…and yes he is always with us!
Capri says
I cried reading this story. so beautiful and very heartfelt
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you. I will never forget this day…it made me into the woman I am today.
Adeline says
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story Nakisha! I cried because I could totally relate since I went through a similar experience earlier this year when I gave birth to my son, Raphaël. I prayed the same prayer you prayed and just as God was with you, He answered mine and was with me too!
May God bless you and all the beautiful work that you are doing as you help other mommies aspire to live their best lives
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you so much mama. I appreciate you!
Faith Matini says
You know I thought I was alone in this! Funny how you are never the only one to experience something, no matter how unconventional it may seem!
I too am a single mom to twins who had her delivery through c-section. I was alone in the hospital for most of the time until delivery when my family was there. I can’t imagine going through the c-section alone. It would have been devastating!
I love your blog! I just started my blog sharing my experiences as a single mom as well! Would love to connect and even collaborate with you!
Nakisha Wynn says
Hi Faith! You’re blog is great. I love meeting mamas who know what this twin mom life is like lol…send me an email and lets chat.
Lanecia Ducksworth says
Such a touching and beautiful experience. Thanks for sharing. I too have tears in my eyes. God heard your prayer and you are blessed beyond measure!
Nakisha Wynn says
Every single time I come back to this post and read it the emotions come up again. I am happy I decided to share this story here for reflection and to encourage every mama going through this that it all works out. The moments can be hard but a blessing still.
Katie says
Girl your story just made me smile and cry at the same time. I’m having boy/girl twins in the middle of January and I’m single and I also have a 3 year old and have raised her by myself since she was a month old. I’m just so scared to do this alone I cry like every day it just sucks how some men can be so heartless. But thank you for your story it helped me so much!
Nakisha Wynn says
I’m sorry you have to go through this but you will come out so much stronger. Focus on your babies and getting through your pregnancy happy and healthy. You will look back on this time and be proud of yourself. Praying for the best for you and your little ones.
Christian says
Beautiful story! I’m also pregnant with twins and alone.
Adjoa says
Awesome blog Nakisha! Powerful birth story. Many blessings!
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you for reading.
Tamika Singleton says
Hello Nakisha! I am at work reading this with tears in my eyes. I don’t have children so I could only imagine how you felt in that moment. And I love how GOD shows up in those moments when you need Him most. God bless you darling and keep being a great mom.
Nakisha Wynn says
He always come through….that I am certain of.
Jess says
Literally crying!! That was an angel unaware! I LOVE this!! so powerful!! Thank you for sharing this.
Nakisha Wynn says
Your welcome….it was a special time in my life.