As a single mom, it can be hard to accept your situation for what it is and live your truth. Often, you are already working against stereotypes, judgemental assumptions, and ignorant opinions from others. People do not always apply common sense or view you as subjective as they would themselves had it been them.
As for me, I’m a proud single mom. I feel no type of way about it. Because I know eventually the right man will find me. Secondly, to be honest, some of these “relationships” I see, ain’t no way I would put up with some of that mess! But that’s a whole other blog post huni. Anyway, I’m proud that I had the courage to walk away from a situation that was not healthy for me and my children. I take pride in knowing my worth and having the courage to do this alone. Because truth it….My kids and I are happy. So many women are not. They stay in unhealthy relationships far too long, trying to convince themselves they are.
I was recently talking to a married single mom about being financially independent. I was telling her I take care of my kids on my own. She already knew I was a single mother, but on this day she decided she needed to know the specifics of how and why that is. She asked a few shady questions about my life and past. Then, she asked: “There had to be signs that he would not be a good father, so why did you continue to date him?” I laughed.
Her question seemed a little critical. But I answered her anyway. I just stated the obvious. “When I was dating him I wasn’t dating him with the intention of marrying him. Nor was I trying to have children with him, I was dating him to date him. So the qualities it takes to be a father were not on my mind. We were having fun. I enjoyed the things we did together.”
She stood there in utter shock. She said: “Wow, I’m surprised you are that honest about it.” “So many single mothers experience that but are not open about it in that manner.” She then said: “Now would you share this publicly?” With empathy, I stated: “Yes. I have and will continue to do so.” In that moment I felt for her. I wanted to ask her:
“Do you have the courage to live your truth?”
See, the reason it’s hard to live your truth is because you are not proud of it. So you create stories around it to make yourself feel better about it. You think people will judge you and you will look bad or whatever. You feel the need to explain yourself and justify your circumstances. But, why?
What’s so bad about being exactly who you are? What’s wrong with standing behind your decisions?
Why not own your mistakes and just move forward with hope and lessons learned in tow? People are going to judge you. And that’s okay. But remember their opinions are just that, THEIR opinion. That does not have to represent your truth.
See one night and one situation changed my reality. It happened so fast. When I broke it off, I was already pregnant. I refuse to allow myself to be chained to one bad choice. There is nothing wrong with realizing a situation is not right and making the decision to be better. There is strength in living your truth.
[Tweet “There is nothing shameful about realizing a misstep and choosing not to continue on that path. “]
5 WAYS TO LIVE YOUR TRUTH
Stop blaming him.
First of all, this is not all his fault. Yes, I know he is not blameless and I know he did this and he did that. But let’s be honest, you were a grown participant in everything that occurred too. You had the chance to make different choices. While it may be easy to put the blame on him, is it the truth? How did you contribute and what could you have done differently? I know he has his faults but continuing to blame him will not allow you to live freely and in your truth. You have to get past what he did wrong. Forgive him. Let it go and move forward.
Stop blaming yourself.
Contrary to the above, this is not your fault. You are a woman, and you are human. You are allowed to make mistakes too. I know you are super mom and everything but no one is expecting you to be perfect. You can be upset that you didn’t make a better choice. You are allowed to be disappointed in your judgment. But, it is what it is. You did not fail your children! You still have the chance to make your lives exactly what you want it to be. Forgive yourself. Let go of the past and move forward.
Stop worrying about what people think.
People will always have an opinion. It doesn’t mean that their opinion is truth and it shouldn’t affect your ability to live free. Who cares what they will say. Who cares what they think. Live your truth. The people that mind, don’t matter. The people that matter, don’t mind. Imagine this: There are some that appreciate you being real. Your realness makes you relatable.
Be honest with yourself.
You have to see your circumstances for what they are to make them better. Are you struggling financially? Do you need some help with the kids? Do you need a better place to live? Look at your situation and be honest with yourself about EVERYTHING. Accept it for what it is, then start to make each situation better and create a life you can be proud of.
Keep getting better.
Continue to make your life better. Set some goals for yourself then work your butt off to make them happen. Take some time to think about what you really want out of life. Visualize yourself living that life, then write out the steps you need to take to get there. Work the steps one by one. It might seem like a long road but keep at it. This is what it takes to progress. Work hard and don’t give up. Ever. Take your eyes off everything else and FOCUS ON YOU.
READ: 10 Books to Motivate the Modern Single Mom
Don’t be ashamed of your journey.
In conclusion, when you share your story you give others the permission to do so. Sharing your story can be therapeutic and be just what you need to break free and live your truth. Your solution might be what someone else needs to hear to make it out of a bad situation. Your success story may be the inspiration someone needs to keep going. Know that your story is a testimonial and it might change someone’s life.
Don’t be afraid to be exactly who you are. Your story is a part of that. Don’t shy away from it, own it. Allow it to make you better. Take the steps and you will be on your way to unapologetically living your truth.
Although, I am not a single mom I find value and joy in a lot of what you say!
There are lessons for all of us in your posts.
Keep doing what you’re doing lady!! I appreciate you!
God bless you and and your family. Continue to follow him and keep him first.
With much love, Tiffiney J.
Nakisha Wynn says
Thank you so much